Editor’s Note: Let’s all of us hope the 2008 Olympic games in Beijing aren’t canceled due to the recent unrest in Hikinboot. We’re keeping a close eye on the developing story.

At Viator, our mission is to help you make the most of your travels. We believe passionately in discovering new cultures, trying new experiences, and getting beneath the surface of a destination.

In that spirit Viator is pleased to announce the launch of a new country on our website: the Republic of Bakpakhistan. Our team of travel experts has tried for three years to crack open the Bakpakhi tours and activities market. It’s not been easy. The Republic of Bakpakhistan has had a rough go of it; first there was the collapse of its patron, the Soviet Union. Then after a brief flurry of activity in 2001, the country literally — quite literally — disappeared from the map.

Haggling over US$0.0001 at the rug market © Lonely Planet

Now, after seven years of isolation and closed borders, the country is re-opening to tourism. The capital, Hikinboot, has started the slow process of rebuilding and repopulating.

“Dubbed by detractors and admirers alike as the ‘Paris of the Central Urgs’, Hikinboot is an oasis of unbreathable air and inedible food. Bakpakhistan may be the ‘forgotten Stan’, but Hikinboot is a vital stopping-off point on any journey around the country - in fact it’s the only stopping-off point, as the sprinkling of land mines, ageing nuclear reactors, viciously hungry guerrillas, and marauding groups of gun-wielding Soviet soldiers who’ve refused to come in from the cold conspire to make travel outside the capital an impossibility. Travel to and from Hikinboot’s airport will be the sum total of road travel you’re likely to undertake.

–Lonely Planet World Guide: Destination Bakpakhistan

Bakpakhistan: Planning Your Trip

So exactly where is Bakpakhistan? What can you expect from a visit there? When to go? What to see & do? These are all great questions. And we have answers.

“Bakpakhistan is bordered by Tajikistan to the north, Uzbekistan to the northwest, Turkmenistan to the west, Afghanistan to the south, Pakistan to the southeast and India to the east. Bakpakhistan is ringed by mountains, creating a mostly dry, arid, windswept microclimate. There is little fresh water, as most major streams from the mountains flow down the other side into neighbouring countries. The one exception, the Guz River, kept the cooling towers cool back in Soviet times. Now, it’s best not spoken about.”

“Bakpakhistan’s only real event is the annual grain festival, the Bakbakbakstöp Harvest Festival. The event, celebrating the nation’s only successful harvest (1867), takes place in the first three weeks of June. A country already pretty much stationary grinds to a total stop, as every town hosts a parade featuring residents wearing traditional three-cornered hats. It’s also the only time of the year when children are allowed to play the traditional game of stïc bol, played with a stïc (a type of stick) and a bol (a round ball).”

–Lonely Planet World Guide: Destination Bakpakhistan

Viator.com is a proud sponsor of the 2008 Bakbakbakstöp Harvest Festival. As part of the festivities, we’ve partnered with Education Minister Snagult Ufqunt to create a crash-course of local tours to help visitors make the most of a holiday in Bakpakhistan.

Semi-traditional non-nomadic Bakpakhistani dwelling © Lonely Planet

Bakpakhistan: Full Day Foraging Tour

From BK3.7 million / US$1.50 per person
Spend a full day discovering Bakpakhistan’s hottest forgaging spots. You’ll learn about the secret spot near the abandoned overpass, the one by the smelly part of the river and more of Bakpakhistan’s best kept foraging secrets form locals who know. Also, you’ll stop off at the market of Gagin Mawnkoont for shopping and gawking at its famous mutations. You’re probably going to need to forage for food, or makeshift transport to leave the country at some point anyway, so this tour is a MUST.

Hikinboot Day Tour*

From BK2.1 million / US$0.99 per person
Visit the ‘Paris of the Central Urgs’! Dodge land mines, guerrillas, nuclear meltdowns and more as you spend a day getting to know this exciting city. This exclusive Viator tour includes:

• Statue of Stalin
• The remains of Proletariat House
• Admission to the carpet museum
• Lunch at Crazy Abdull’s (no vegetarian option)
• A souvenir land mine

Bakpakhi Cultural Half Day Tour, with Clicking Fingers Demonstration

From BK123 million / US$5 per person
Bakpakhistan is renowned for its crafts and carpets, not to mention its folk music. And the rumors are true: Paul Simon has agreed to make a album (produced by Peter Gabriel, featuring Sting and Bono) based on the Bakpakhici art of clicking fingers and tongues while simultaneously slapping a raw cod on the side of a leather boot. This exclusive tour includes a walk through the Hikinboot carpet museum and concludes with a live performance by the Bakpakhi Five Mega-Minstrels at the Bollixinski soccer stadium. Prime Minister Slotcar Nascar will perform a stïc bol demonstration between cod slaps.

Guz River Experience

From BK99 / US$0.00000002 per person
Spend a few hours on what used to be the Guz River. The river was actually concreted over in 1992 and is now the Hivk Highway. Your guide will take you along the highway in a boat converted into a landmobile. You will have the opportunity to view all the sites that were enjoyed from the river before 1992. If you are lucky some of the concrete will be cracked enough in sections along the highway allowing a glimpse of the sludge. You will want your cameras ready when you pass Bakpakhistan woman carrying 30 litres (8 gallons) of water on their heads just to give their children something to drink. The highlight of the tour is when you stop at former fisherman’s shack and get to view all his mutated and preserved marine animals from the good old days when the river was a cesspool of toxic chemicals.

Pricing on request
Your journey begins with a stop in historic Baghpakh, continuing on to the Bakdur Brothel and Cybercafe for a brief photo opportunity. Then it’s off along the Hvik Highway in a yak cart to experience the incredible beauty of the King Tuj mountains, framed against the towering Timtamistan Cliffs. The Timtamistan Arnottonomous Zone is the most ethnically diverse - and dangerous - region in Bakpakhistan. Local tribes have inhabited these badlands for generations and will not hesitate to dunk your biscuit. Notable tribes include the Timtamoriginal clan, the Order of the Timtamchewykarmelites, Timtamdoublecoats, Timtamdarkks, Timtamlövepötiöns, Timtam-chocölatemudders, Timtamstickyvanillatöffees and the vicious tribe of the Timtam Lattes. On the crest of the Timtamistan Cliffs, you will board a thinly disguised UN aid helicopter for a once-in-a-lifetime, 7 minute, 4,000-foot descent to the mighty Guz River below. At the river’s edge, you’ll board a pontoon boat for a relaxing boat ride down toxic Guz tributaries. Float across the water grasping the inner majesty and mystery of this fabulous chasm. Don’t forget your camera!Happy travels. Or as they say in Bakpashti, Vlassplosspissinskaya!

–The Viator Travel Team

* Viator and the local tour operator are not responsible for death, injury, or other harm sustained on this tour. Undertake at your own risk. In fact, maybe just pick something else, we hear the foraging tour is nice, and practical too.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 at 12:01 am and is filed under Best of the Viator Blog, Departure Lounge, News & Alerts, Suggested Itineraries, Travel Inspiration, Travel Wishlists, Weird & Wonderful. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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