I got to thinking the other day: if George W. Bush (leader of the Free World) and John Howard (leader of the Free to go to the Beach World) were to go on vacation together, where would they go, and what sort of things would they do?

Bush was not a big traveler before he got the keys to Air Force One. He’d been to China with his dad, but was travelling officially and didn’t need a passport; nor did he need one for Mexico, so he didn’t have one. And Johnnie Howard seems cut from a similar cloth: for twenty-odd years he took his family on the same summer holiday, to Hawk’s Nest, a sleepy hideaway with a good beach and fishing, just a few hours drive from his home in Sydney. Neither of these blokes were big Lonely Planet fans.

But they’re both about to have some extra time on their hands, and now they’ve got so many new friends around the world they just might venture out a little more. Here’s my Top Five list for “Soon to Retire Conservative Leaders of Democratic Nations.”

1. The Puna Pau & Seven Moai Tour, Easter Island

Remind you of anyone?

There’s a couple of reasons why this is my number one choice. First, check out the photo. These dudes look familiar, and just a little frozen in time, wouldn’t you say? Similarities abound, and our ex-leaders will like that! Second, the locals on Easter Island are so far from everywhere they have a razor-sharp perspective on who and what’s really important, and my guess is George and Johnnie will get no better treatment there than the rest of the tour group. That’s pretty good treatment, of course, but it’ll bring them down to Earth fast. They need that, I reckon.

2. The London Eye, London
Well, naturally. And Tony could pop in as well, it would be like a school reunion. But the best part is the great views of Buckingham Palace, where Betty Windsor is having morning tea with her eleventh Prime Minister. Elected leaders come and go, but Monarchs reign forever, and live in nicer houses, too. Don’t even mention the Royal Train.

3. Bedouin Desert BBQ, Egypt
This one’s a bit cruel, isn’t it? The boys will be absolutely convinced that Osama B-L is behind every camel hump, ready to pop out and give them the raspberry, or the pomegranate or whatever fruit it is that desert-dwellers rely on for “giving it.” Anyway, I reckon they’ll love this tour, they’ll enjoy the food for sure, and spending a little time with some real, live A-rabs — besides the Saudi Royal Family — won’t do them any harm at all.

4. Mekong River Cruise, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
Re-writing history is a dangerous business, and we certainly don’t want George W. to get any of his facts wrong as he draws parallels between US forays into Iraq and Vietnam. We’ll resist political commentary and simply say that a few days on the ground in this thriving “Asian Tiger” economy might just convince him that an American victory isn’t the only way to a lasting peace. Educational tours are such fun!

5. Portage Glacier Tour, Anchorage, Alaska

Once it melts it will be easier to get to the oil…

Too easy, really: see the glaciers before they all melt. Both our soon-to-be-ex leaders are recent believers in the horrors of global warming, so they’ll understand why it’s important to get this tour in soon!

While we’re at it, we might calculate the carbon emissions associated with their trip, and whack the cost of an offset onto their bill. They’ll understand that everyone needs to do their bit about global warming, I’m certain!

All these tours and more are available to mere mortals, not just former Heads of State. With any luck, you won’t even bump into either of them when you’re out there. You’ll meet some nice people though, and quickly learn that travel is good for the soul.

It’s just a damn pity George and Johnnie didn’t know that 30-odd years ago. The world might be a better place if they had…

–Rod Cuthbert

Rod Cuthbert is the Founder & Chairman of Viator, Inc. He has travelled widely for many years, but has not invaded any sovereign states, or assisted others in doing so.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 17th, 2007 at 3:46 pm and is filed under Destinations, Musings from Viator's Founder, Sustainable Travel, Travel Inspiration, Weird & Wonderful. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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